I should have been a radiologist
Regret is a hard one and doesn’t serve anyone. It can rear it’s ugly face in real and palpable ways if we aren’t conscious of it’s power. Is hind sight 20/20? I say this with a smirk as I break out into a chorus of ‘I can see clearly now the rain is gone.’ Was the path not taken the better plan? Maybe, but that might not matter.
Each of us is here for a unique reason. Each of us meant to serve and fulfill a purpose laid on our hearts before we were even born. The choice to become that person is ours alone. Along the way, God (universe/divine power) speaks to us, urges us, nudges us. Sometime subtle, sometimes not. Sometimes we don’t hear. Sometimes we just ignore the download to open ‘this’ door of our create your own adventure book because we know better. Regardless of how long we choose to ignore it doesn’t matter, because
the path is not predestined, but our purpose never changes.
Here is my truth: I am a veterinarian. During school, I was really good friends with the entire radiology department. I could have stayed in KS and done an internship and then a radiology residency. Without even really trying, I would have been in and I would have been good at it. Y’all, I even had a dream that I was standing in my office, watching my kids playing outside, holding a baby on my hip and reading films. From home. With my family. What? At that point in my life, sitting in a dark, quiet room didn’t seem exciting enough. I wanted ER. I wanted life and death. I wanted clients and people to talk to. Today, I covet that dream. Today I desire dark and quiet moments. Today, that is magical. Today, I am not a radiologist. I didn’t listen. I ignored the download.
What do you wish you could change? What path did you not take that you would undo in a second if given the chance? What do we do with this regret? What does it really mean? Here is the key:
There is always meaning, even in the worst of circumstances.
Being a radiologist would not have fulfilled my purpose here. My purpose here has nothing to do with Veterinary medicine. My purpose here is to heal and connect - all the reasons a career in the veterinary field was appealing. My purpose is to raise 5 little lights of this world. To be present and authentic in my relationships with family and friends. Being a radiologist would have afforded me the time and money to spend pursuing my purpose - the law of divine compensation at play. Not being a radiologist doesn’t change anything, as long as regret doesn’t consume me. Is this path more challenging? Perhaps. But, we are put in hard places in order to be refined and I need some refining.
To refine gold, heat must be applied to force the impurities to the surface. As they rise, they are removed and more heat is applied. This process continues until the gold is pure. The refiner knows the gold is pure when he looks into it and sees his clear reflection. God works in a similar way in our own lives. He applies heat and exposes our weaknesses, our faults and our struggles. It is uncomfortable, but as we submit to the heat, we too are refined. Our process is complete as we meet Jesus and in our faces he can see his reflection.
Is hind sight 20/20? From our human perspective, of course it is. Instead of looking back, fix your eyes on the One whose plan for us is greater. Opportunities to become who we are meant to be are ever present, if we are still enough to listen. My blessing came in the form of some plant powders and amazing community of mission driven warriors and I am so thankful. Maybe I was never supposed to be a radiologist. Maybe I didn’t ignore the download. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, maybe choosing challenge and uncertainty over comfort has led me to my greater potential. I think so.
Regret of a life not lived can at best, motivate the present to change the future. At worst, it will steal the joy of both. Choose joy. Find meaning. Seek purpose and grow into it. Trust the process. Be brave. Fear is temporary. Have FAITH. Fulfillment will always follow.